so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
