Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think i have two assholes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
