Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I fill condoms, not promises.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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