Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize