Nicole vs. Life
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
