so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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