dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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