Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do herpes really smell.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
