apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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