She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
