no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just invented taco cereal.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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