Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
