And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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