Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
