I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
