I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
