WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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