Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
