? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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