it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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