haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
