I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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