My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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