you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
