oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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