Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
