Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
