Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
