just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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