Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
