Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize
