Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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