I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
