i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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