I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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