New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
