why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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