I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
