I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize