Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
