He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
