Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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