My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
