respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
