just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
