the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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