i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
