mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize