I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
