Im at strip club and am horny
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
