I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
