I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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