god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize