my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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