I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
