the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
