What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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