you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
