College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize