Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
