there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
