I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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