You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
