well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
