He had one of those small greek statue penises
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
