Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
