if i died would you start the facebook group?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
