i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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