Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
