Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
