franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
