True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
