she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm passing your future prison.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
