Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
