i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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