new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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