Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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