Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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