Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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