I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
