she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
