This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
