I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
