Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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