Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
