I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
