Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
