She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
