I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
