don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
