He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
