I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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