So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize