Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
