when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
